I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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