I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
