im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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