We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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