why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
