Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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