apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
