Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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