I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
