Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
