Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
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I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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