Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
