Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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