Kiss
Puke
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
