I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
