You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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