Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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