Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
