Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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