The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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