Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
