every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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