Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
