I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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