well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
