the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This is my gift to your gina
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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