THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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