i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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