so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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