Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
