we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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