I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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