Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
