I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
