We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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