"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
