U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
