Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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