I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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