I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
