like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i drank out of a bidet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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