She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
