Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
