dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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