he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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