apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
