worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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