He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Randomize
