That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
