Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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