ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
