I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
