There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
