Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
