Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
