Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
