never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
