youre lurking in front of me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize