So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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