He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
