words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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