Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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