Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
