its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The power of my boobs compel you
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
