I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
