he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this will be a night to untag.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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