hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
