Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
