haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
