I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
