Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
