Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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