I want to have your abortion
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize