So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
