God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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