What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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